The first disposition before entering into marriage is to be called to it, to have a vocation. A young person who wishes to marry must carefully examine their vocation and the state to which their vocation leads, so that after embracing it, they can bear the trials of that state by remembering: "It was the will of God."
They must be careful not to enter this state lightly, on a whim, and even less out of passion, but solely because this is the vocation God has given them. Once they know their vocation and have reflected on it maturely, they must ask God to make known to them the one to whom they are to unite their days, to ask for a support for their life and to whom to give their heart.
If they ask this of God with faith and a genuine desire to know His divine will, God will listen and answer them. He will not send an angel for this, but He will nevertheless act in such a way that they can have a moral certainty that their prayer is answered. He will not send an angel, but He will use their family, which has special graces to guide them in the choice they must make of their spouse, or a friend of the family, who will arrange all things according to His secret and impenetrable designs.
Sometimes, however, He will not use their family at all, for the family's sentiments may not be upright, virtuous, and disinterested, but based solely on nature and reason, which look more to earth than to heaven. He will use no intermediary; He will Himself enlighten the mind of this young person; He will show them the wisdom, modesty, and restraint of the one He has destined for them, and their choice will be fixed irrevocably by this insight. Then, after new and more mature reflections, they must adhere to this choice, despite any obstacles that may arise, count on the grace of God which will smooth them away, and remain entirely confident in Him.
However, for fear of illusion on their part, this young person—who will, moreover, know the reciprocal intention and desire of the one they have chosen and believe destined for them by God—should inform their family and their spiritual director. They should inform their family, out of the respect and obedience they owe it, and to know its views on the matter. They should inform their director to ask for counsel and advice. It would be good if, on this occasion, their confessor, who knows them well through their confessions, were also their director.
This is not strictly necessary, however, and in some respects, it is sometimes better that it not be the confessor; for this, one must turn to a prudent, wise, circumspect, enlightened man, in whom one has confidence, with whom one feels more at ease, and who is in a position to handle this most grave matter in a sure manner. When they have listened to the advice of this director, as I have just explained, they must follow it and put it into execution as the expression of God's will. The advice of the director, which is always disinterested and consequently better weighed, should be preferred to the counsel of one's own insight or of one's family.
When their choice is made and approved, let them from that moment give their love to the one they have chosen, let them give their word and never withdraw from them either their word or their heart. To this end, let them not fix their gaze on others or seek to make a new choice. This one is according to God; a second could be according to sin and the devil. In the first meetings with the one they have chosen, this young person must above all guard their eyes, remembering that the eyes are the main gates through which the impure spirit enters.
They must keep them full of reserve, not only for their own sake, but also for his. They must also watch over their words very much, but without excess: too great a reserve could be misinterpreted and taken for disdain, coldness, or as a formal refusal. One must therefore avoid both too much freedom and too much reserve. Let their manners be good, gentle, polite, honest, frank, affectionate, and let everything about them radiate the good fragrance of my grace and modesty. Let everything in their conduct testify that they are embracing the state of marriage not on a whim or out of passion, but to fulfill the will of God who has given them this vocation.
Let the first meetings never be solitary; let them always have relatives as witnesses; let them be frequent enough so that the two future spouses may know each other and learn to love each other through this knowledge. Let them not be prolonged by idle and useless talk. Let their conversation never be sustained by inappropriate, dishonest, and criminal words. Let them banish from their conversation not only everything contrary to modesty, but everything opposed to the law of God: slander, calumny, lying, jealousy, and a thousand other forbidden things. Let their words, on the contrary, be words of edification for one another, inspiring mutual veneration.
When they see each other alone, let it never be in a secret place, but where they can easily be seen, and let it be brief and swift.
A young person should show themselves amiable and affectionate towards their future spouse, but they must never permit any flattery or familiarity of any kind. They must always have before them the law of God, honesty, and duty. This conduct, at once attentive, cordial, and respectful, will earn them both the affection and the veneration of their spouse.
After sufficient reciprocal and mutual knowledge, it is prudent to conclude the marriage immediately and not to delay it too long. This delay could be a cause of sin. Thus, to strengthen each other mutually and ask God for the grace they need to remain always just and holy until the celebration of their marriage, they would do well to unite with me from time to time in the sacrament of my love. This advice applies to the young man as well as to the young woman.
A young man should seek and desire for his wife a modest, pious, and virtuous young woman. If he finds her, she will make him happy, and they will sanctify themselves in the state they both embrace. Let him not seek beauty alone, for beauty passes more quickly than the flower of the field. What would remain for him in his wife if she had only beauty and that beauty disappeared in a few days? Let him not seek fortune alone, for fortune does not make virtue, peace, tranquility, or happiness in a family. Let him not seek solely wit and intelligence for earthly things, but rather spirit and intelligence for heavenly things. Let him not try in marriage to satisfy his passion, for unhappy would be the wife of such a man! He is a man in name only; in reality, he is a demon and an animal without reason.
Spouses must love each other mutually and, through this love, draw ever tighter the bonds of their union. They must not live like pagans, for they are the children of saints and must therefore follow the rules and laws imposed by their state. They must keep the chastity and continence prescribed for their condition and not abuse the freedom given to them. Freedom in this state, as in all, is freedom for good and not for evil and impurity. How many people have been damned for their sins in the state of marriage, and they might perhaps have been saved if they had been subject to the rules laid out for them. In these people, there is no true love, a love founded on God, but a guilty and criminal love, founded solely on the flesh which leads to sin.
The love of two spouses must be true and founded on God, so that it may be constant and endure always. Two spouses must keep an inviolable fidelity to each other and fear lest a foreign affection come to break such sacred bonds. They must mutually encourage each other to fulfill their duties, the perfect accomplishment of which will make their happiness here below and in the next life. They must help, support, console, rejoice together, and form but one heart and one soul.
A Christian wife must carefully watch over the fruit of her womb, fearing to cause it to lose life through her fault and to deprive it of the greatest happiness by depriving it of baptism. A child who is not baptized will never see God. This misfortune should render a mother inconsolable. Yet, how many of these unfortunate women, through their levity, greed, outbursts, or excesses, smother the fruit of their womb!
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A Christian wife must above all pray to God to preserve her child from such a misfortune and take all necessary precautions, inspired by prudence and reflection, even before its birth. She must even offer it to God before its birth and ask Him to watch over it.
A Christian wife must care for her child after its birth and lavish upon it all the care inspired by her maternal love and required by its weakness. As soon as her child's tongue begins to loosen and its reason to develop, she will make God known to it and engrave His love in its tender heart. She will give it an early taste for piety and virtue; she will teach it to do everything with a view to pleasing God; she will follow it all its life, surrounding it with her maternal solicitude.
Christian parents will always guide their children by reason and not by caprice. They will reprove, warn, or correct them when they judge it opportune and necessary, so as not to let them contract bad habits, which are impossible to uproot later. This formation in piety and virtue will make children grow in goodness, and they will become the joy and crown of their parents.
Finally, my daughter, if one of the two spouses has united themselves to a person without virtue and without religion, they must ask God's pardon and bear in expiation of their conduct all that they have to suffer. They must assume all the duties that would fall upon both of them concerning the upbringing of the children, so that they may be good and virtuous. They must try to bring back to better sentiments the one who is without virtue and, for this, pray much, pray without ceasing, pray with confidence and hope of being heard.
Jesus to Marie Lataste.
Source: The Life and Works of Marie Lataste, Volume Three – Abbé Pascal Darbins – 1866